PORTFOLIO

It has been so long since I last blogged that I sort of forgot how to do it, admittedly.

Nevertheless! Here I am, writing this… My attempt at shaking off the rust and trying to get back into the routine of it all.

The reason for my absence as of late is a rather simple one… I got a job.

That’s it. That’s the message. Send it!

But, no… I did get a job. And when I’m not working, I’m socializing. I am becoming a bit of a socialite, if I do say so myself. I have been going to more concerts lately and I’m currently trying to take a trip (or two) out of my home state to go to a few more concerts, honestly. Will I be successful in this pursuit of mine? Only time will tell, really.

Also, I would like to get a cheap digicam to better document my travels and whatnot. Because yeah, I am still trying to get more into photography. It’s a cool hobby, in my opinion. And I really do feel like it encourages people to take a more active approach in their lives.

Don’t get me wrong though… All of this movement I’m doing, while it may seem fine on the outside looking in, is actually an attempt to escape my own mind. I mean… I enjoy my life. I do. But I also know that, deep down, I’m doing so much as a way to simply try to escape this overwhelming sense of dread and fear that constantly looms over me. And I don’t think I’m alone in this, but people don’t often talk about it. So, I just wanted to highlight it here.

Like… It is okay if you don’t like to travel or move much or anything. That most likely means you are more at peace with yourself and your surroundings. But, personally? This world sort of terrifies me and I need to keep moving so that I don’t freeze up or whatever. Though, I’m starting to feel like I am doing a bit too much. Like, it feels as though I’m starting to lose my sense of self along the way here.

I have forgotten what is truly important to me. I don’t even know what is truly important to me right now. That’s why I am moving and grooving… I’m still just trying to figure out my deeper purpose and everything.

Honestly, I did not expect I’d get this personal just now. But… Here we are! I guess? I don’t know. I hope my point has come across though. That being, I’m not saying all of this to brag. I’m just trying to give an update on my life as of late. And, yeah… It has been rather chaotic. And it may seem fun and cool on the outside, but I don’t know how incredible it truly is. I don’t know if I’m really THAT happy lately. Mostly, I just feel hyper. Super hyper! Super MEGA hyper!! And I’m not sure how sustainable this current way of living actually is.

For now though, it’s the way I’m doing things. And I don’t feel bored or upset by any of it. I’m just a bit concerned about the deeper implications of it all. Worried what kind of rippling effect it’ll have on my life in the long-term. Will I look back at this time of my life fondly? Or will I come to regret it all in the end? I think, for now… I’m just having fun! Doing what I can to make the most of this life I’m in. It may not be the smartest, most efficient way to live. No. But it is definitely a fun and interesting way to do things, at least. And maybe… All of that really is just enough?