Sorry for not posting anything last week. I did attempt to write something, but I could not find the right words and flow.
Anyway! Since I have taken a week off, it has got me thinking… Maybe I should start posting once or twice a week, instead of posting five days a week? Because life has gotten somewhat chaotic, what with school starting back up and everything. Besides, posting five days a week is kind of difficult; it’s hard to brainstorm ideas and whatnot.
And, if I’m being completely honest, my motivation has taken a bit of a dive lately. I’m not entirely sure as to why that is, exactly. But yeah… My vision for my future has gotten a bit scrambled. Unfortunately. Last month, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted. So, it made doing things MUCH easier. But… This month? Yeah, I feel pretty much lost.
I think that’s part of where my motivation has gone, at least. Aside from that though, I have just been feeling tired. Exhausted, even. And my anxiety has been through the roof! I am trying to manage it and everything, but it feels like nothing is working. Heck, as I’m writing this right now… My left eye keeps twitching. Presumably due to my anxiety, if I had to guess.
And yeah, so… Essentially. The anxiety is causing exhaustion and that exhaustion is ruining my motivation and I have no motivation because my future is uncertain, so I have not written or posted or anything since my future is as uncertain as it is right now. Like, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I’m aiming for. I don’t really know where I’m going in life…
And let me just say… This feeling sucks! I wish I had more clarity and focus. But I don’t. I don’t know if what I’m currently doing in life is actually the right thing for me to be doing or not. I mean, I kind of know what I want to do. But what I want to do doesn’t necessarily seem like the best thing either. I just wish there was, like, a better roadmap to life. You know what I mean? Like, it’s great that there really isn’t one path, but I would like some direction. Some guidance. And, sadly, as I get older…that guidance gets blurrier and blurrier. Truly, life is what you make of it. At the end of the day. But I don’t think that I am very creative, so I’m just sitting here feeling confused and terrified overall. It sucks.
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