But, usually, I am trying to sleep. So… I don’t really act upon them (typically).
Except… There’s this post here. Where… It is currently 11:32 p.m. on a random Saturday night in January as I write this opener. I’m too tired to write much more than this though, so I’m not sure where this post is going entirely. But I do think that there is something worthwhile here overall, hence why I jotted it down in my notes.
Fast forward a few weeks, it’s now Sunday, funnily enough (January…whatever). I don’t actually remember where I was going with this. The only thing I have for reference is the title, really. “I have my BEST ideas at night.” Where EXACTLY was I going with that? I don’t remember.
All I can think of is how my mind races at night whilst I lay in bed, an ever-growing darkness surrounding me. My bed is so soft though, it’s like I’m laying on a cloud. But this darkness is inescapable, almost as if there’s a storm brewing on the horizon.
And within the loudness of the thunder, lightning strikes. Sometimes it hits me just right, causing my neurons to fire at FULL force. All the thoughts flood in at once while I lay paralyzed. Overwhelmed. Then, in a moment… Nothing. Silence. Pure relief. Sleep.
It’s like this A LOT in my mind, especially at night. An overdose of ideas, followed by the most beautiful decrescendo. Sometimes, it truly feels as though I am dying. But then, I wake up the next morning. The night before becoming something of a blur.
And no, I’m not on any hard drugs or anything. That is just how my mind works. Not sure if it has always been like this. But that’s just what has been happening as of late. It’s bizarre, yes. But, to be fair, I’ve always sort of struggled with my mental. I’m taking some medication to help maintain some sense of normalcy, but these past few nights especially…it feels like I am on the verge of a MAJOR breakthrough. Or maybe it’s more of a breakdown? A consequence of working myself to the bone.
Because I haven’t really ever worked THIS hard on my writing, ever. Even that year where I published a few books, I took it at a more leisurely pace. But this time, it all feels incredibly urgent. It feels like if don’t write something, then the world will end. Apocalyptic.
So, I write. Be it nonsense or otherwise. I do it because I am addicted. These words are my heroin.
PORTFOLIO 