I keep telling myself that I have two more weeks before school starts up again. But, in reality, I only have a week. Actually, by the time this is posted I will only have just a few days. Literal days. To say that I’m nervous would be an accurate statement, if not an understatement.
And no, I don’t really know why I am so nervous. Admittedly. But… If I had to make a guess, I’d say that it has to do with me telling myself I would drop out. And, well… Since I’m not actually doing that, my body now has to readjust to a new reality. A reality wherein I actually keep going to school. Which, yeah, probably doesn’t sound like it’s too crazy or anything. But I have had a rocky relationship with school, to say the least. So… The fact that I’m still trying is actually something kind of big (for me, at least).
Not to mention that during Winter break here, I have spent a lot of time trying to really determine what it is I want from life. Actually… The thought of what to do has been all-consuming, honestly. Eventually, I did finally come to the conclusion that school would be beneficial for me. Regardless of what I study, really. Right now, I’m going for General Studies. Just trying to maintain an acceptable GPA because, if I’m going to continue down this path, I would like to attend a good, reputable university in the next few years or so. And my grades in the past have been rather atrocious, so I need to now work harder to achieve my ultimate goals.
Yes, I do regret how my past relationship with school has played out. I’ve always been decent at taking tests. And I did do the homework, I just never turned it in; I was too scared to walk up in front of the classroom and put it in one of those bins by the teacher. That is one positive of this new, technology-forward way of doing it these days… I no longer have to walk up in front of the class.
Speaking of, I’m even taking a class online this semester. That’s another reason why I’m nervous. I feel like it should be relatively straightforward and everything, but I’m guessing it’s going to end up being more complicated than it has any right to be. Because school seems to enjoy being ridiculously difficult, for some reason. Unfortunately. Everything requires additional hoops to jump through and everything. It’s rather annoying.
That’s why I’ve thought about dropping out, actually. I just feel like school is, often, more effort than it is worth. And maybe I’m right about that. But, sadly, I still need it. I mean, I could still achieve my goals without school. But school makes the whole process undeniably easier for me overall, despite all of its flaws.
So yeah… School is starting back up soon. I feel completely unprepared. I really don’t agree with the whole system, either. It’s a pain. It’s a bore. It’s probably a waste of time (but, I mean, what isn’t a waste of time…you know?). Regardless, I’m sticking with it. I feel like I need it in order to better achieve my goals. Even if nothing really comes of it in the end, to have that degree will still be a worthwhile accomplishment for me. That much I know to be true, that’s what really keeps me going. Besides, it’s cooler to drop out these days and I strive to be exceptional!
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